ITS A NEW DAY, ITS A NEW DAY

I wake up some days and just get mad. Mad that I actually woke up. Not the kind where I am too sleepy and want to go back to sleep mad, but the kind where when I wake up I actually lived through another night. That is the depression talking. In reality, I just have a hard time dealing with things. I jump from feeling weak and scared to feeling scared and lonely. I have put myself in a box. I actually have the control over who is in my presence and yet I still find a lonely place. I like being alone but I hate it at the same time.

A pathetic way to start a blog, I know, yet sometimes you just have that feeling. So, I get out of bed and take a shower and everything is alright. Water is the eternal life. I heard a reverend say that and it sticks in my mind. Of course, water, is the analogy. A plant that isn't watered wilts and looks dead but water gives it life. Same with people, although water can be anything that makes you live. To me, though, water is my faith and my family. What a great way to think. Water is the eternal life sounds so wonderful. It happens to be the truest thing I know.

A few years back, I watched from the back seat of my vehicle, a man holding a sign. I think it was one of those road trips in which there didn't happen to be an exact destination. I had someone else drive because I just wanted to sit back and relax. So, the vehicle is full and I see this man up ahead holding the sign. I immediately tried to guess what it would say before we were close enough to read it. Once we pulled up and were stopped at the light which was next to the man I read the sign. "Will not lie, I just want a cold beer". I had to reach into the ice chest and hand him one. Everyone in the vehicle could not believe what I had just done. I gave him that drink because he needed it. It was hot outside, and his only need was a cold beer. I happened to have just what he was asking for and why would I not give him his only wish. I think about it to this day and believe I did the right thing. It's when I hear people say that the homeless are that way because they choose to be. My heart goes out to those who can't get ahead enough to make it in this world. It is then that I feel guilty for being depressed in my situation because it could be a lot worse.

I attend meetings once a month with a group that I call my second family. They are not judgmental and outside of my own family the most loving group of people I have ever met. It is something I look forward to every month, to look at each of their faces, to hug them, to miss them if they are not there, and to share with them everything that is important. How nice is it to have outsiders to be so comfortable with that you can be yourself around. We all need that and we deserve that, but not everyone is lucky enough to have that.

It's a new day, yesterday is gone and a new day is here. I can only live for today. I am not the most reliable person, actually I wouldn't believe me unless you saw me. It's sad to be that way, but for those who know me realize that is how I operate. I can only live today, I can wish for tomorrow but today is all I have. There are many things I want to do, or even plan to do, but depending on today those plans may have to change. At least it's a new day though.